Americonned out of our Future
ANYWHERE, USA- College graduates are moving back home after
four years of unbridled freedom that translated into their specific degree.
Some students, being more far sighted than others chose engineering degrees, sacrificing
late nights learning how to lose drinking games, while their near sighted peers
are left with degrees that have no earning potential. These lucky college
educated, debt ridden, Internet savvy graduates are now stuck in a perpetual
loop of part time jobs with no benefits, job securities or potential. They were
duped, tricked, systematically mislead into trusting a system that is set up to
accommodate administration over academic progression. I’m one of these
graduates. I was tricked as well, but for the sake of a good argument I’m over
it.
Education is important- very important. That’s why the
U.S.A. has something called “truancy” which is an intentional unexcused absence
from compulsory education. There are fines, and if caught, student’s families
can be ticketed. I believe in truancy, education is, after all, important.
But what happens when little Richard decides that he could
excel outside of the classroom, leaves school for a day, opens a lemonade stand
and pays for his ticket for truancy with his wildly successful lemon of a
business? He fails his missing homework assignments, makes up his missed tests
and is penalized for creating job growth, even if it is only at a local level.
His entrepreneurial spirit is systematically kicked out of him by the brown-nose-bullies
who know their fractions faster than him and his teachers keep a more invasive
and suspicious eye on his work, killing his creativity like the Romans killed
Jesus.
Alright, that may be a little extreme; even Jesus had at
least 12 people on his side, little Richard plays alone. Soon after Richard
grows up, he graduates high school and if this was the 1970’s he would be given
a choice to go into the skilled labor market, or to go to college. But this is
2013. Richard is given a list of schools that will have him if he tries hard
enough to let them know he’s a special guy. He sees this as courting schools,
but the irony is he’s being courted and eventually pimped out. His alma matter
makes sure he calls his school “daddy” and if Richard doesn’t work the corner,
he’s slapped around a bit by the bursar’s office until he fakes a teary eyed
smile.
Wow, too much. Richard is given his education after all. His
school embraces him with open arms and everyone loves him. He’s on top of the
world, yeah the classes are a bit stressful, the books are overpriced, the
dorms are half the size of prison cells, the food service from Sodexo is
literally what they serve in prison, and his student job pays below minimum
wage, but hey he’s happy. Little Richard the troubled student has lemonade his
way into the top 10% of educated people in the world. And after studying and
testing his way to the middle of the pack, Richard is able to go fourth and set
the world on fire with the passion and energy of a youthful employee.
Except there are no jobs for Richard- he has around $30,000
of student debt. Now it’s the end of summer and after a frustrating job hunt he
manages to catch a part time job at his local gas station, with his friend
Henry who has been working there since he dropped out of high school. Henry is
Richard’s manager. Henry is not in debt five figures. Right now, Henry the high
school drop out is more successful than college graduate Richard. But that’s
okay, Richard believes in himself; he works hard every day for three years. So
what if he’s not making more than $10,000 a year? He lives at home and after
paying back his student loans, Richard emerges a 26 year-old with a degree in
liberal arts and three years experience at the local gas station. He’s ready
for the big leagues now.
His future is now set. All those years of school has
prepared him for the unexpected journey ahead of him: The American Dream, the
white picket fence and 2.5 children he was always told to dream about. Richard
promptly moves out of his parent’s house and leaves the United States forever,
because Richard is smart.
Sadly, this isn’t how it happens. There aren’t any Richards
in the real world, only Dicks. The college graduates today don’t retreat to a
foreign more profitable land (with a real middle class) they retreat online.
Independence has been redefined for a generation; financial self-reliance for
Americans born in 1980-2000 is more of a fairy tale than Iraq having WMDs in
2003. Independence means you control the content that is provided on the world
wide web. Who cares if you can’t pay for your wifi connection? If you have a
picture of that time you had 15 shots in one night and met a guy who kind of
looks like James Woods, it was totally worth it. George Washington just rolled
over in his grave.
I didn’t write this with a political agenda in mind; if I
did there would be a joke in here about how its 2013 there’s a surplus of
college degrees and we thought global warming was caused by pollution. It is
heating up, but not in the right ways. 97% of job growth has been in temporary
jobs, and going to college only guarantees you a massive amount of debt with a
justifiable drinking problem. The future of America is an industrial graveyard
owned by Barclays, the federal reserve banks, and the Koch brothers. The
current generation is spiraling into federally sanctioned indentured servitude.
The most immediate escape we have to cope is the internet, but the more we turn
to this the more narcissistic we get.
Congratulations America, you’ve created the perfect consumer class, but
no-one buying your bullshit anymore.
Now there has to be a happy ending. There always is. The
family of five who lost their house to the bank must have found a new home by
now. The countless pension funds lost had to have been recovered. Surely we
have learned from this to progress to a brighter future. As it stands, we
haven’t. Our future lies in the hands of our children, our forgotten, debt
ridden, ungrateful, lazy children. I’m one of these children, but for sake of
good argument I’m over it.
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