Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Americonned


Americonned out of our Future 



ANYWHERE, USA- College graduates are moving back home after four years of unbridled freedom that translated into their specific degree. Some students, being more far sighted than others chose engineering degrees, sacrificing late nights learning how to lose drinking games, while their near sighted peers are left with degrees that have no earning potential. These lucky college educated, debt ridden, Internet savvy graduates are now stuck in a perpetual loop of part time jobs with no benefits, job securities or potential. They were duped, tricked, systematically mislead into trusting a system that is set up to accommodate administration over academic progression. I’m one of these graduates. I was tricked as well, but for the sake of a good argument I’m over it.
Education is important- very important. That’s why the U.S.A. has something called “truancy” which is an intentional unexcused absence from compulsory education. There are fines, and if caught, student’s families can be ticketed. I believe in truancy, education is, after all, important.
But what happens when little Richard decides that he could excel outside of the classroom, leaves school for a day, opens a lemonade stand and pays for his ticket for truancy with his wildly successful lemon of a business? He fails his missing homework assignments, makes up his missed tests and is penalized for creating job growth, even if it is only at a local level. His entrepreneurial spirit is systematically kicked out of him by the brown-nose-bullies who know their fractions faster than him and his teachers keep a more invasive and suspicious eye on his work, killing his creativity like the Romans killed Jesus.
Alright, that may be a little extreme; even Jesus had at least 12 people on his side, little Richard plays alone. Soon after Richard grows up, he graduates high school and if this was the 1970’s he would be given a choice to go into the skilled labor market, or to go to college. But this is 2013. Richard is given a list of schools that will have him if he tries hard enough to let them know he’s a special guy. He sees this as courting schools, but the irony is he’s being courted and eventually pimped out. His alma matter makes sure he calls his school “daddy” and if Richard doesn’t work the corner, he’s slapped around a bit by the bursar’s office until he fakes a teary eyed smile.
Wow, too much. Richard is given his education after all. His school embraces him with open arms and everyone loves him. He’s on top of the world, yeah the classes are a bit stressful, the books are overpriced, the dorms are half the size of prison cells, the food service from Sodexo is literally what they serve in prison, and his student job pays below minimum wage, but hey he’s happy. Little Richard the troubled student has lemonade his way into the top 10% of educated people in the world. And after studying and testing his way to the middle of the pack, Richard is able to go fourth and set the world on fire with the passion and energy of a youthful employee.
Except there are no jobs for Richard- he has around $30,000 of student debt. Now it’s the end of summer and after a frustrating job hunt he manages to catch a part time job at his local gas station, with his friend Henry who has been working there since he dropped out of high school. Henry is Richard’s manager. Henry is not in debt five figures. Right now, Henry the high school drop out is more successful than college graduate Richard. But that’s okay, Richard believes in himself; he works hard every day for three years. So what if he’s not making more than $10,000 a year? He lives at home and after paying back his student loans, Richard emerges a 26 year-old with a degree in liberal arts and three years experience at the local gas station. He’s ready for the big leagues now.
His future is now set. All those years of school has prepared him for the unexpected journey ahead of him: The American Dream, the white picket fence and 2.5 children he was always told to dream about. Richard promptly moves out of his parent’s house and leaves the United States forever, because Richard is smart.
Sadly, this isn’t how it happens. There aren’t any Richards in the real world, only Dicks. The college graduates today don’t retreat to a foreign more profitable land (with a real middle class) they retreat online. Independence has been redefined for a generation; financial self-reliance for Americans born in 1980-2000 is more of a fairy tale than Iraq having WMDs in 2003. Independence means you control the content that is provided on the world wide web. Who cares if you can’t pay for your wifi connection? If you have a picture of that time you had 15 shots in one night and met a guy who kind of looks like James Woods, it was totally worth it. George Washington just rolled over in his grave.
I didn’t write this with a political agenda in mind; if I did there would be a joke in here about how its 2013 there’s a surplus of college degrees and we thought global warming was caused by pollution. It is heating up, but not in the right ways. 97% of job growth has been in temporary jobs, and going to college only guarantees you a massive amount of debt with a justifiable drinking problem. The future of America is an industrial graveyard owned by Barclays, the federal reserve banks, and the Koch brothers. The current generation is spiraling into federally sanctioned indentured servitude. The most immediate escape we have to cope is the internet, but the more we turn to this the more narcissistic we get.  Congratulations America, you’ve created the perfect consumer class, but no-one buying your bullshit anymore.
Now there has to be a happy ending. There always is. The family of five who lost their house to the bank must have found a new home by now. The countless pension funds lost had to have been recovered. Surely we have learned from this to progress to a brighter future. As it stands, we haven’t. Our future lies in the hands of our children, our forgotten, debt ridden, ungrateful, lazy children. I’m one of these children, but for sake of good argument I’m over it.




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